It's been a good day

Sometimes I feel like maybe this depression is something that doesn't last forever. I haven't done much today, I haven't felt much, but I definitely don't feel hopeless or sad, more like just sane. Normal, ordinary, something calm and happy, I suppose.

I tend to have rather bad mood swings, but today I've been really relaxed and calm, most of the time and have had things to look forward to, with the hair dye and the all the challenges I'm doing. Actually especially with my hair, I'm sort of in happy suspense, because now that I cut it, I have some really healthy happy hair to watch grow! Okay maybe not too healthy since I'm bleaching them like mad, but still, hair growth wohoo!

I'm also looking forward to some things I've ordered online, and hopefully they'll come next week because it's been quite a while already and I'm getting a bit anxious about them. I'll show you guys what they are when I get them!

Also going to see my therapist tomorrow, so we'll see if I can get that shrink's appointment because of my sleeping problems. And I wonder if I should continue on a weekly basis - I probably should - or on a biweekly basis...

Do you have any thoughts regarding that? Have you been to therapy and how long did it last till you felt ready to move on?

I still have this irrational fear of going to hospitals, even though I mostly go voluntarily. And by voluntarily I mean I'm in such pain I can't be out of a hospital anymore, because outside they don't give you the good painkillers, the ones that actually take away the pain. So, I go voluntarily, but I'm still afraid of the place. Really afraid. I hope I can talk about it tomorrow in therapy.

Oh and I'm probably going to punch that septum for me, but before that I've been able to stretch my ears to 4 mm now, yay!

All photos from Tumblr.

Manly Eyeshadow Review part 1/4

I bought this 120 colour palette a few years back, but I've used it very little. I haven't even tried half of the colours, so I decided I'd review it now, so I manage to actually try out all the colours and know what they look like on skin.

In this first part I'm reviewing the three first rows from top. The first row was a bit of a disappointment since only the white and the black where unique, the rest were just very easily fading uncolours if you will, and didn't show very well.
The two other rows on the other hand were really quite impressive, the colours really pop and I don't even have any eyeshadow base in use!

The dark blue ones at the end were slightly disappointing, I mean - they're not dark at all!

Though relatively similar, this row was impressive, very eyecatching colours!

30 Day Photo Challenge: Day 17 - Technology

I'm going to be really really boring, and just show you my laptop. It's not the computer I use ordinarily, I have a desktop one for internet and stuff, but I watch movies on the laptop since I can just keep it in my lap when I'm on the bed.

Second Bleach on My Way to White Heaven

My hair is going in all directions now, I never knew what a huge swirl I have (like my dad) in the middle of my head, and the second bleach didn't do much to the colour. I'm hoping that third time is the charm, so we'll see later tonight, what happens! Darn it for having the ginger gene...

I really wouldn't mind getting my septum pierced

Again I'm contemplating on getting a septum piercing, or rather, piercing my septum since I abhor paying for anything, but I'm still not quite sure. I'm thinking a. it'll hurt like hell since it'll go through cartiledge, and b. it might turn out bad 'cause I don't really know what I'm doing.
Two very good reasons not to get it done myself, but get someone who's got some expertise on doing them to do it. Oh well, we'll see.

All photos from Tumblr.

Tekee taas kamalasti mieli hankkia septum-lävistyksen, enkä tiedä uskaltaisinko lävistää itse vai mitä tehdä. Pelottaa ja jännittää, mutta katsotaan nyt.
Kaikki kuvat Tumblrista.

Pastel Goth Inspiration

Something that's been popping up for a looong while now is how pastel goth and nu goth isn't goth at all. Now as someone who isn't goth in anyway whatsoever, I say: Who The F*ck Cares.
Label yourself as whatever you please, it's nothing away from anybody. Be who you want to be and who you will be! Make your life your own!

And I like pastel goth style because it takes two of my favourite things: gothy black lacey stuff and really cute stuff and mixes them. All photos from Tumblr.

Haute Couture: Yulia Yanina

All photos from Tumblr.

Yulia Yanina's 2014 S/S Collection:

The Morning of Philosophers

It's been another month gone by
they go so fast but so slow
sleep and eat and drink and sleep and
neverending circles keeping
awake for a month
Another month.

I don't know if it's the pills I keep taking or what, I suppose it's the pills, but I can't sleep anymore. I fall asleep and then wake up almost immediately and it's making me so frustrated I don't know what to do. I already spent a weekend in the psych ward getting my head together, I don't need another visit. I need to see my shrink and get more pills.
More and more medicine to swallow every night, as if it's not already a handful, a fistful.

Sometimes I don't even know if it's day or night, because at night I can't sleep properly, I fall asleep during the day and wake up thinking it's a new day. Each day just flows into the next and the previous, and I don't know where we're going. Where am I going?
Where's my life heading?

I hope the answer is simple and I get into business studies, but I fear it's more complicated than anyone could think and I manage to mess things up as usual. Such a fucking failure. I wish there was a pill to make me into a good and hardworking daughter. A good and intersting young woman. Someone to look up to rather than down on.

All alone and I still manage to have baby fever. It seems like all my friends are paring up and getting children and getting married, and I'm left out to be a maniac all by myself. But it feels like I'm abandoning them and not the other way around. I'm the one that quit. I'm the one at home and away from my friends. I'm the psycho, not them. They're awesome as ever and I'm a headcase.

Make Up of the Day 23.2.2014

Products used:
Max Factor Weightless Foundation in colour 45 Raw Silk
Max Factor Earth Spirits eyeshadow in white
Maybelline eyeshadow 621 Sparkling Gold
Lyra eyeliner shade 51 black
Yves Rocher Luminelle Rouge Glossy red lipstick