Safe to Say

Safe to say it's never the same
never in a new moon
the same again

Wish it was safe
to be oneself
truly to be oneself
but it's
safe to say
that will never
come to pass

Safe to say
the world will be
but you and me
will never
come to pass

All photos from Tumblr

Today's thoughts and make up

It was a long day today, and yesterday. My dad underwent his ENMG (a painful thing, I can tell ya) and today I had my lab tests (23 viles of blood, 23!). I had to call the shrink yesterday 'cause I've been forgetting stuff lately and forgot to get more meds, and didn't have any on my prescription, so I had to call and ask them to refill and oh what a mess that was. And twentythree viles of blood really took it out of me, I slept like a baby for two hours afterwards.
Then again, I woke up at four am again unable to fall asleep again. So no wonder I was tired.

Don't let my smiling face fool you in this post. I have learned a long time ago how to smile away pain.

I've been feeling worse again. Not really suicidal, not really panicking, but something inbetween, I feel a heavy load on my chest and I don't know why. I have nothing to stress me, at least nothing that I notice, but I notice being stressed, I feel anxious all the time, except a few hours after taking my meds. My meds help, I just wish I didn't have to take them to be normal. I used to be so normal, so happy. I'm still happy at times, and today I got a lot done too, I cleaned my room and organised my t-shirts and everything, and still I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in half a year. A real winter's rest. Hibernation. Something like that.

I think my sedatives are making me cold too, I feel it more easily after taking them, and now it's really cold outside. And inside, we don't really heat anything even in the winter and I'm freezing. I feel so so cold.

I've been neglecting my diet too, keep eating like a pig and moving too little, I keep gaining weight rather than losing it. Thankfully in a few days I should get a package from CDON that might help me get to my goals. Finally.

I have been able to stick to my 30 day no sugar challenge though with a few minor misses, I drank a few hot chocolates, but other than that, I haven't strayed and I feel a bit better because of it. It feels nice being able to stop myself from eating a whole bar of chocolate, not because I'm hungry but because I just really need to.

Did some DIYs again, with my t-shirts, should take photos of them all, and the things I've bought but haven't showed anyone yet. I have some really nice things I haven't even worn yet. I wish summer was here so I could wear all of them! And show them, instead I'm sitting here with two cardigans and a woolly pullover freezing my ass off. Oh well.

My make up today decided to go to something  I rarely do - a smokey eye make up. I have really heavy lidded eyes and so I tend to steer away from really dark make up, but today I felt like experimenting. Eyeshadows are Geek Chic Cosmetics You Know Who and Madness.

Weekly Inspiration - Punk

All photos from Tumblr.

With Mascara and Eyeliner